As I sat on my bed.......

I start to wonder what is the meaning of life......

I have got 2 weeks of leave to clear...yet I do not know how to fully make use of it....

Sometimes..even how much I wanted to do certain things....I just lack the physical strength or mental strength to do it.....coz I just felt so weak and tired...both physically and mentally.....especially with this sickly body of mine....which are pump with tonnes and tonnes of medicine daily....and has some condition that cannot be cure but can only be control by life time medication....

Sad to say...I also have to make sure my emotions are stable...not too much ups or down..that will affect my mental state...and thus trigger another relapse...be it the antibodies attacking my digestive system or my reb blood cell causing inflammation or anaemia....

Sometimes..I wonder is this my life...Is this the path that GOD has paved for me to take? Is this the challenges has GOD destined for me?I am just full of question mark in my brain......
At times...Life seems to be so meaningless to me....people work towards an aim....

I have an aim to work towards as well...it seems so near yet so far within reach.....

I am just a simple woman.....I don't need to be rich and famous...or have have a rich or handsome husband......

I just yearn for a simple guy to dote on me..shower me the simplest family warmth and love..that a husband can give to a wife...and cuddling my own baby to sleep every night....

This is such a simple thing that many people can easily achieved...Yet there are some people who are tuck away in a small dark corner....where this simple task is far within reach......

Sometimes..I just wonder..is GOD fair to all human beings.....How does the GOD set the path for different people.....

I lost my real happiness 11 years ago....for people whom have known me that long...will have obviously known the reason.....this is something that no money can buy......perhaps I should have given up 11 years ago...instead of fighting against destiny....

All my life...I am clear conscience.....yet.....life has been unfair to me.....