Needless to say...it was a weekend...fill with exhausation.....Nope...not because I had a lot of programs line up for myself....In fact most of the time..I spend most of my time sleeping..or resting on bed......"It is back again"...Sigh....Just don't understand...why it just don't let me stay in peace....why must it keep bugging me....non-stop...

Sometimes...I just find that life has not been fair to me.....every time..it comes...I just feel like I am on the brink of XXXX....I just felt so tired....not even the slightest bit of energy to catch another breadth nor even to move my tiny little fingers......It's been bugging me for past 10 years....it comes and goes.....when will it ever stop completely.... sometimes..when it comes...Just hope that...some third spirit...could just release me of the torture..or some miracle will happen on me..such that...I don't have to go through all this suffering time and again...

If not for this handicapped....I am sure I could do better in life..or achieve much more things...is life...especially..my work....

I often wonder.....why do I have to go through...such things...is it..Karma...for me to repay.my previous life...misdeed..that I have to suffer...this life...or what....none of my friends...around me...or people around me have to go through this kind of thing like me....why must I be the god-picked person to be the unfortunate 1 out of the 1 million people..........

Sigh....enough of my grouses...for the weekend.....

Last Fri(22 Sep) went back to head office..some colleagues...were aghast by my pale..white looking face......well not suprising....I think my red blood cells is breaking down again....causing anaemic and looking so pale...Had a IM team dinner at the line-restaurant Shangri-la.....

Look at the spread


Is a $70 per pax buffet dinner....there was a large variety of food..but I wasn't feeling too well..so I just took a bit of sashimi......some soup..and little bit of dessert....How I wish I could have somemore.....I left about 8.30pm after about 1.5 hrs at the reasturant....It's suppose to be a get-together...dinner where we be having lots of fun chit chatting..etc....too bad.I have to forgo all the fun and laughter..to leave the dinner earlier..on a friday night...sometimes..I wish...I could have been more sporting..to join in activities..or event...that require more energy..or those that require me to stay out later..at night...

Reached home at about 9pm at night start feeling nauseous and I can feel myself walking on air again...I start to prepare my bag for admission to hospital....It is to prepare myself in case...anything bad happen to me at night.....and going to hospital....will not be a hassle...

Spend almost the full day on Saturday and Sunday...resting on the bed......as I was catching my breadth again.....on the slightest movement......Hoping the new week will be a better week for me....